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Funny Freaking Friday: T. Murph

T.+Murph+performs+a+comedy+sketch+routine+at+the+Vulcan+Theater+on+Friday%2C+Sept.+8.+The+event+was+sponsored+by+S.A.B.
T. Murph performs a comedy sketch routine at the Vulcan Theater on Friday, Sept. 8. The event was sponsored by S.A.B.

T. Murph performs a comedy sketch routine at the Vulcan Theater on Friday, Sept. 8. The event was sponsored by S.A.B.

Sam Paar

Sam Paar

T. Murph performs a comedy sketch routine at the Vulcan Theater on Friday, Sept. 8. The event was sponsored by S.A.B.

Sam Paar, Contributor

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Who in their life hasn’t stopped and thought to themselves, “Wow, I should be a comedian!?”

While most of the time such a comment is made at the lunch table or a party where you’re getting plenty of laughs from friends, there are a select few who actually live up to these words. A few famous examples of those who took their own words very seriously are such as Kevin Hart, Seth Myers, Tina Fey, John Oliver and so on.

Fortunately, yet another comedian has graced California University of Pennsylvania students on Friday night, and his name is T. Murph. Students flocked to Vulcan Theater in hopes for a good laugh, filling up seats.

T. Murph was the first comedian of the semester and he certainly set the bar high for any comedian to follow up on his performance. To start his show off, he expressed his excitement to be at Cal U despite adversity he may have had on the way.

He explained to the audience that the day before he was preforming at a catholic school. He joked, “I’m definitely going to Hell after that one because I did not change my act at all. It is what it is!” T. Murph was on the stage of that school cussing as per usual with a large cross behind him.

He went into how big the Cal U Vulcans football players are and how intimidating they are to a man like himself.

“They go to the gym every day three times a day, they lift all the weights!” he exclaimed.

He claimed that he’s built like Miley Cyrus after telling the audience that he often gets told he looks like James Harden.

“I can’t touch the rim or the net!” he joked.

Students laughed when the comedian went into detail about his first (and – spoiler alert – last) football scrimmage. T. Murph was never athletically inclined in high school, going over his scrimmage game and explaining that a 240-pound football player knocked him unconscious.

T. Murph then explained the one and only fight he ever go into in his high school days.

As a lot of comedians do, T. Murph was stirring the pot a bit with a guy who happened to have not only one, but two black belts. After Murph was informed of this guy’s black belts, he joked “Yeah I got one too it holds my pants up!”

Next thing, a now humbled, T. Murph remembered was waking up on the guy’s couch with his barbecue sauce from his Wendy’s five-piece nugget all over himself, the couch and the wall behind him; he had been kicked in the face.

Next thing he knew he was in a hospital bed with an I.V. in his arm.

“I don’t know if anybody know anything about I.V’s, but they give you one when you dehydrated.”

He exclaimed that this two-time black belt holder beat him thirsty. “Now I need a Gatorade before I get into an argument?!”

He says every time he goes to a college and does a shout-out to all the classes he notices a pattern. When asking freshman to call out, they were on the quiet side, but there were a good handful of them.

“Half ya’ll ain’t gonna be here next year!” he stated.

When sophomores were called out, they were louder, but there were fewer. When juniors were called upon, there was no response. When seniors were called, there was a small group in the back. He then clarifies: “Seniors that are graduating? You have to say that sometimes because there’s people in their senior years but they got sophomore credits!”

T. Murph touched on a few serious subjects through the show. He expresses that school really is hard, and tuition is a very expensive and a very serious stressor in students’ lives. He also talks about how people can be uptight about older people in the middle of his skit about an 88-year-old woman who told him she wanted to go back to school.

“By ninety you’re late to heaven.”

He brought up how extreme the standards that are set for women are nowadays, and how no woman should change for anybody aside from herself. The topic of African-American men’s relationship with the police is brought up, as is the state of the country and the presidency.

Perhaps Murph’s most realistic jokes were the ones about women and how we act around our friends.

“Any time women see each other they get excited. They see they girl and they’re like ‘yaaas!’” he claimed.

He also says any time a guy is trying to hit a girl up, she always seems to ask him to take a picture for her. He went into detail on how women will just walk around in heels and how they are a complete confidence booster, but by the end of the day her legs are trembling because of her heels.

T. Murph also talked about how girls can’t leave for a night out without a ton of pictures being taken. Then, an age-old secret is exposed: “I used to think that ladies got dressed up for us fellas…not at all.” He, like most men, thought that women got dolled up for the eyes of men – but he was mistaken. “Women get dressed up for other women.”

Closing out his show, he announced his social media information to the crowd and thanked everybody for taking the time to watch and listen to his show. Finally, he took a Snapchat video with the entire Vulcan Theater cheering the background and posted it to his story.

After the show was over, he invited whoever was interested to come on to the stage to take pictures with him.

“I hope the comedian next month is as good as T. Murph,” one student said.

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The Cal Times student news is a publication of the Student Association Inc. at California University of Pennsylvania
Funny Freaking Friday: T. Murph